A short share #1
March 3, 2011
When I hit one of several rock bottoms in November 2008, I thought that giving up drinking would be an end to all my problems. It wasn’t, it was an end to just one of them.
I had reached a point in my life where it seemed that alcohol was the only option to get me away from how I felt and that my life would be impossible without it. The mere thought of never picking up a drink again sent me into such an almighty panic that the consequences of what I was doing seemed like a reasonable trade off against the fear of reality I was suffering from.
After a prolonged period of ever worsening A&E hospital admissions and bouts of blackout and psychosis, I was put into de-tox during a particularly disturbing blackout. This de-tox unit was an AAU (Acute Assessment Unit) in a London psychiatric hospital and was absolutely crazy. (No pun intended.)
From there I went into rehab, first and second stage for a total of six months. It was a difficult time.
We were to learn a daily routine consisting of life lessons, prayer and AA meetings among many other things. My time in those two houses would need a ‘separate account’ if you will.
When I first started attending AA meetings, I was clueless and didn’t listen. I was there because I had to be, full stop. As my mind and body cleared however, I did begin to listen and some of it was at least a little interesting. We read from the AA Big Book and when I got to the chapter entitled ‘The Doctor’s Opinion‘, my attitude changed. I had an illness! I could grasp that. I began to listen properly and put the work in. I was actually going to more meetings than we were required to do because I had started to enjoy them.
I moved to a third stage house after graduation and that is where I write this from. I am due to move on to independent accommodation soon and I’m not in a horrible panic about that now because I have the tools deal with my fears that do not require oiling with the consumption of alcohol.
That day I read ‘The Doctor’s Opinion’, I realised I had an illness. Today I understand that I ‘have’ an illness but that it can be managed with the AA programme and my Higher Power.
Yesterday I thought of some stuff which is mostly based on metaphor and I shared it at my Wednesday evening meeting.
In the rooms of AA we sometimes see people who seem to be just clinging onto the rooms as a way of stopping them from drinking. With these people we need to think not so much where they are going, but how far they’ve come. Stopping drinking may not be an end to the problem but it can be the beginning of a solution. Physical sobriety my not be the destination but it’s a good departure point for the journey.
Now for the metaphor I mentioned. I think that sometimes, getting to the station can be harder than the journey itself. Getting oneself through the doors of AA is a big and very brave step and it‘s easy to get lost on the way..
For me at least, AA meetings are that station and the twelve steps of AA are the vehicle. The destination is Life on Life’s terms and there is still much to be done once I arrive. You don’t go on holiday, get off the airplane then sunbathe on the runway or ski in the concourse do you?
I am at the station and now I must board the vehicle properly rather than just clinging to the outside or sitting on the roof. The vehicle is as safe as it can be and it may lose altitude or slow down but, as long as I do the right thing and trust my Higher Power, It shouldn’t fall from the sky or derail and crash.
I’ll close with my favourite AA quote. - KEEP IT SIMPLE.
Dante Cordero
03/03/11
I had reached a point in my life where it seemed that alcohol was the only option to get me away from how I felt and that my life would be impossible without it. The mere thought of never picking up a drink again sent me into such an almighty panic that the consequences of what I was doing seemed like a reasonable trade off against the fear of reality I was suffering from.
After a prolonged period of ever worsening A&E hospital admissions and bouts of blackout and psychosis, I was put into de-tox during a particularly disturbing blackout. This de-tox unit was an AAU (Acute Assessment Unit) in a London psychiatric hospital and was absolutely crazy. (No pun intended.)
From there I went into rehab, first and second stage for a total of six months. It was a difficult time.
We were to learn a daily routine consisting of life lessons, prayer and AA meetings among many other things. My time in those two houses would need a ‘separate account’ if you will.
When I first started attending AA meetings, I was clueless and didn’t listen. I was there because I had to be, full stop. As my mind and body cleared however, I did begin to listen and some of it was at least a little interesting. We read from the AA Big Book and when I got to the chapter entitled ‘The Doctor’s Opinion‘, my attitude changed. I had an illness! I could grasp that. I began to listen properly and put the work in. I was actually going to more meetings than we were required to do because I had started to enjoy them.
I moved to a third stage house after graduation and that is where I write this from. I am due to move on to independent accommodation soon and I’m not in a horrible panic about that now because I have the tools deal with my fears that do not require oiling with the consumption of alcohol.
That day I read ‘The Doctor’s Opinion’, I realised I had an illness. Today I understand that I ‘have’ an illness but that it can be managed with the AA programme and my Higher Power.
Yesterday I thought of some stuff which is mostly based on metaphor and I shared it at my Wednesday evening meeting.
In the rooms of AA we sometimes see people who seem to be just clinging onto the rooms as a way of stopping them from drinking. With these people we need to think not so much where they are going, but how far they’ve come. Stopping drinking may not be an end to the problem but it can be the beginning of a solution. Physical sobriety my not be the destination but it’s a good departure point for the journey.
Now for the metaphor I mentioned. I think that sometimes, getting to the station can be harder than the journey itself. Getting oneself through the doors of AA is a big and very brave step and it‘s easy to get lost on the way..
For me at least, AA meetings are that station and the twelve steps of AA are the vehicle. The destination is Life on Life’s terms and there is still much to be done once I arrive. You don’t go on holiday, get off the airplane then sunbathe on the runway or ski in the concourse do you?
I am at the station and now I must board the vehicle properly rather than just clinging to the outside or sitting on the roof. The vehicle is as safe as it can be and it may lose altitude or slow down but, as long as I do the right thing and trust my Higher Power, It shouldn’t fall from the sky or derail and crash.
I’ll close with my favourite AA quote. - KEEP IT SIMPLE.
Dante Cordero
03/03/11
Posted by Dante Cordero. Posted In : Recovery
